Tractorthoughts

Branch Rickey Visits Helen Thomas

BR: Wake up! Come on, wake up!

HT: What’s going on? Who are you?

BR: Branch Rickey! General Manager, Brooklyn Dodgers, how are you?

HT: Why are you in my dream? I don’t know you.

BR: I’m dead. I can get into any dreams I want. I was reading the Post the other day and I saw you crossed off an item from your bucket list… something about being grateful for having a black president.

HT: Yes, in 2008 we elected Barack Obama to be the first black President of the United States. What’s that smell?? Are you smoking????

BR: Hell yes. I’, smoking! It’s Cuban. We can get them direct!

HT: I believe smoking can kill you!

BR: I’m DEAD!!!!!!! Now, what about this Obama kid?  He’s black??? I thought he was Irish with the “O” thing. I mostly stick to the sports pages. I read your comment while I was looking for any winter trades and what was going on in the Venezuelan League. Since that Chavez guy took over the game’s been a mess there. They can’t play night games because the twerp won’t turn on the electricity! I know he’s no ball player. Geez, with legs that short he couldn’t outrun a Molina brother to first! Why doesn’t the US just cancel his ticket?

HT: Why are you in my dream? I do not read the sports page!

BR: Did you ever hear of Jackie Robinson? He was the first Negro, but OK, I’ll say “black” kid to play in the majors.

HT: Well, for your information, President Obama believes we can use soft power to reassure President Chavez that we are no threat to him.

BR: Soft power sounds like what we call warning track power. It gets people standing up and excited, then the outfielder catches the ball on the warning track. Man, nothing’s sadder than warning track power.

 HT: The president has a gift!  He can persuade people to accept his point of view. The two men are quite close.  So, why are you here and why are you telling me about Jackie what’s his name?

BR: Robinson. He was the best natural infielder I ever saw, and I saw a lot. The kid had major league written all over him and from what I saw him do he deserved the chance. But first I had to make sure he was the real deal, so I worked his butt off in the minor leagues. If he made it, the whole game would change but if he flopped, well, who knows how long before there would be another negro, sorry, black kid in the majors.

HT: Well. I am, delighted to meet a fellow supporter of civil rights and equality. Many of my generation are thrilled to say we walked with Dr. King.

BR: Who is Dr. King? Lady, I am talking about 1947! Truman hadn’t integrated the army yet! What the #$%^ are you talking about? Look, our entire organization in Brooklyn wanted to field the best team we could! They could have been green with four ears, but if they won, nobody would care! Civil rights????  If Jackie had hit .150 and had made fifty errors it may have been decades before there were black(!) players in the major leagues! So, what about this Obama guy? What’s his first season been like?

HT: He has done wonderfully!!! Just last week he bowed to the Emperor of Japan to show that America is just another nation among equals. He has spent three months deciding whether or not to accede to a general’s request that we sent more troops to Afghanistan and he has bailed out General Motors!

BR: He bowed to the %$#@% emperor of ^&%$*($# Japan???? Does he have any $#@^! idea how many good guys like Ted Williams , Nellie Fox and Warren Spahn gave up the primes of their careers  because the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor!!!!??? Is this Obama guy a #@%^& idiot? A general needs troops and Obama won’t send them? He’s in trouble!

HT: You think like all other white people. Just let a black man make a mistake and you’ll never forgive him!!!! You, sir, are a racist!!!!!

BR: I’m DEAD!!! I repeat! I’m DEAD!!!!  What’s a racist? Look, in my day people had prejudices but my bet was that once people were judged by what they could do instead of by what color they were, things would work out. Look, there’s no accounting for idiots because they’ll always be around. I knew that if Jackie was successful people would forget what color his skin was! Do you know anything about baseball?

HT: I have been to some games!

BR: Jackie Robinson was a complete package. He could hit for average and with power. He ate up grounders like an Electrolux. He had speed – first to third on a single to center speed – and he could turn a double play with his eyes closed. But he made some errors. Everybody makes errors. Jackie made one his first game!

HT: And I’m sure the people jeered and booed and laughed at him. All whites were racists back then!

BR: Lady, the Ebbets Field crowd booed every error! Hell, they called us the bums! Sure there were fans who booed louder because he was a ne..er, a black kid. Even some ball players rooted against him. But people are decent at heart. Our team captain – Pee Wee Reese – played shortstop and after the error he walked over to Jackie, put his arm around Jackie’s shoulder. Pee Wee was from Kentucky, so he was a white guy from the south. Reese knew how good Jackie was. Pee Wee was no slouch himself and he’s in the Hall of Fame just like Jackie. Lady, when Reese did that the booing stopped! In a few years we had black players all over the field – Jackie, Roy Campanella, Don Newcombe and other guys. The folks in the stands loved ‘em!

So, the Obama kid, what did his minor league numbers look like?

HT: He served some time in the Illinois state senate and one term in the United States Senate. Then he was elected President.

BR: Lady, that’s like going from rookie league to World Series starter in one season. He must have some great stuff! What did his numbers look like? What are his policies?

Does he carry a Big Stick? Do the people like him??? Does he do a hell of a job every day like Jackie did?

HT: He is very inspiring! He speaks beautifully! In all one hundred seventy eight days he was a US senator he voted “present” almost every day! As president he has rebuked Great Britain for its role in the slave trade; nationalized General Motors and Chrysler; apologized for the manifold wrongs America has committed; increased the national deficit fourfold; insulted our allies in Eastern Europe; bullied Israel; cut the defense budget; and he has employed former communists and current tax cheats! You already know how he showed humility before Japan’s Emperor. I am so thankful that he is President – our first black president! I never thought I would see the day!

BR: Helen, may I call you Helen? Helen, politics must be a whole lot different from baseball! Wow! Look, Jackie Robinson made one error in his first game. He didn’t stand backwards in the batter’s box, clobber the catcher in the head and run the bases from third to first! I knew what he could do before I sent him to second base at Ebbets Field. He knew – I made sure he knew – he would be insulted, booed, spiked and beaned. He knew all he had to do was do the right thing and play his heart out and it would all work out. But he knew what he was doing!

I’m glad you lived to see a black president. I was happy the Dodgers opened baseball to black players, but the first one had to be a rip-roaring success or the whole idea was in trouble. Helen, you got the first black president, but unless he gets his game going you won’t see the second one for a long time. I hope it works out but, remember, the folks in the stands have just so much patience!

Well, I gotta go!  In this eternity thing I can see any games I want and the Washington Senators may sweep a double header. Now, that’s a miracle

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON OBAMACARE

Madam Speaker, Lead From the Front!

Nancy Pelosi recently told he caucus that they were not in office to stay in office. She urges them to vote for Socialized Medicine even if they knew that vote would cost them their seat in the House as well as access to the subsidized cafeteria, the free gym membership, a junket or two each year and a staff of lackeys. Ms. Pelosi knows there are better odds for snowballs in hell then her losing her next election. The dozens of 2006 Democrats who live political life in more perilous environments must realize she’s nuts. They know, and Pelosi knows, this is the classic liberal tactic of reforming other peoples’ lives. There is a simple way for Nancy to prove she meant what she said. She needs to lead from the front by announcing today that she will resign from government the day the House passes Socialized Medicine and that she will comfort herself with the knowledge that she had accomplished the work she was meant to do. Harry Reid and Dickie Durbin can follow suit in the Senate.

 

Harry Smith’s Colonoscopy.

I saw my own intestinal roller coaster, Harry, thank you very much! So Harry was willing to let us all enter his anal aperture for ratings. What a guy! That’s a revolutionary re-definition of public access television. Harry, didn’t your producer tell you that the  government is claiming that unnecessary colonoscopies are driving up medical costs? That’s why they want to rewrite the guidelines to have the test only if there are symptoms. Forget that by the time a colon cancer patient feels symptoms, if he or she even knows how to recognize them, he or she is facing radical surgery, rounds of chemotherapy and the risk that the cancer has moved to the liver. Oh, since Obamacare is designed to eliminate – over twenty five or thirty years –medical specialists in the United States by fining doctors who refer patients to them, all the Gen X’ers who think O-care is a wonderful idea need to look at mortality rates for colon cancer in the UK and across Europe to see their future. There won’t be any gastro enterologists to do colonoscopies, so those happy little liberals will just do the right thing and die.

 

Nancy, Call the Question

Geez, the O-care debate is worse than reading War and Peace. Does it ever end? You have the votes or you don’t have the votes!   By now you have offered every bribe you have to offer aside from parceling out stuff from the Smithsonian. Hint: Sheila Jackson Lee will vote with you, even with no public option, if she gets Judy Garland’s red shoes from Oz.

Anyway, just hold the vote. If you win, enjoy the glow until November and the inevitable repeal. If you lose, move on to legalizing all the illegals so you can prove you have a political death wish.

 

“Waiting for Godot” Starring Barack Obama

“Godot, I want you here by Labor Day, uh or by Christmas, uh or by Ground Hog Day, uh or Mardi Gras, uh or by the time I go to Australia and apologize for not drinking Fosters! I don’t care what the doctor said about my drinking! The time for waiting is over!”

 

 

“Mirror, Mirror On the Wall”

If it weren’t so delicious to watch, Obama’s recent PR campaign to push Socialized Medicine would be pitiful. A narcissist who reads well appears before hand – picked audiences in closed venues to bloviate and beat a dead horse; and thinks all the cheers represent what the world thinks about him. He knows Socialized Medicine is probably dead, but he needs the cheers to continue his delusion that he can never lose a debate or contest.

 

Deductible, uh, what deductible?

One of the Socialized Medicine satraps – Obama or Pelosi – recently demonized low cost / high deductible major medical policies that are affordable to average people. The argument was that the high deductible would keep people from using the policies. OK, then why not eliminate the IRS imposed 7.5% of Adjusted Gross Income for claiming medical expenses on form 1040? For a family of four with an AGI of $70K that is $5220!

That’s what they have to spend out of pocket before the loving and caring socialists let them get back 28% of what they spend over that amount! What they pay out of pocket before getting any benefit is a deductible !!!!!! And Obama has the gall to accuse insurance companies of being money hungry!

 

Does the House Hate Pelosi, or What?

The Wicked Witch of the West must be Nancy Pelosi. Here she is trying to pass the crown jewel of the socialist agenda, and with the invaluable aid of Rahm Emmanuel, and suddenly she sees the sheep running the shepherdess off a cliff. It may be wrong, but not rash, to believe that Socialized Medicine died with the 402 – 1 vote to investigate House Leadership’s role ( translation: Pelosi, Hoyer and Bawney Fwank) in covering up Massa’s frolics with young gay staffers. Nancy is in a two front war now and she may not win either.

Health Care and Robert Gibbs

Let’s start today with a few insights on health care. A few days in the hospital gives a thinking person an entirely new perspective on health care, especially on health care as a right. The men who wrote the Constitution were brilliant in limiting the number of rights we have because besides the obvious canard about rights implying responsibilities, every right implies the requirement that someone else deliver that right. So, we all have a basic right to liberty and that right is delivered by thousands of military volunteers who insure that right against foreign threat and by people working within our legal system to insure that right domestically. 

 

Translating that idea to health care means we each have a right to have someone else clean up our vomit, wipe our behinds and bandage our oozing wounds. That is insanity!

 

In many places around the world if you want either of the first two, you better have a family member available to perform them because no one else will. Everyone in the United States gets basic health care not as a right, but as a defining gift and gesture of who we are as a people. We care enough about each other as human beings that we take upon ourselves the tax burden to provide a basic level of care for everyone.

 

My stay was in a publicly funded hospital as a paying patient. Were I a non-paying patient I would have enjoyed the same surgeon’s skills, the same medications, the same post-operative care in the same kind of room with the same food and the same nursing care and I would not have paid a penny for any of it. As a paying patient my out of pocket expenses will be higher than absolutely necessary to make that happen

 

Nothing inspires true gratitude as having a total stranger hold the bucket while one vomits all over one’s self as well and over the room and, when the eruption ends that same stranger helps clean up the whole mess and does it with kindness and a smile.  The magic words we all should have learned as children – “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” – brought beaming smiles to the faces of  nurses, housekeepers, lab technicians, therapists and dietary staff because they hear them so seldom from their patients. Instead, these good and decent people are treated as servile staff whose duty it is to deliver what some self-centered idiot believes to be a “right”.

 

And now for something completely different….. Yesterday, Robert Gibbs took time during a White House press briefing to mock Sarah Palin’s hand notes. Let that sink in for a moment! The President’s Press Secretary sat down at his desk and, in the midst of his boss’ meteoric free fall, took time to script an adolescent comedic stunt to ridicule Ms. Palin.

 

Why is this pathetic?   Let us count the ways!

 

Our nation’s administration is led by a man, and staffed with other people, who are insecure and adolescent. Gibbs’ gesture is a spectacular exhibit of the shallowness, pettiness and amateurishness of the entire administration. Can anyone imagine any of the effective Press Secretaries of adult administrations doing that? Can anyone picture Marvin Kalb, Jim Brady, Marvin Fitzwater, Ron Nessen, Clinton’s guy Mike Whatever, Ari Fleischer, Tony Snow or even the hapless Scott McClellan diminishing their professional stature by acting like a fifth grade class clown before their peers?

 

Gibbs’ behavior reflects what the president feels and believes. He is Obama’s empath. Obama is incapable of shrugging off criticism or ignoring competition.  Every narcissist is insecure and Obama is no different. Sarah Palin scares him to death.

 

Just like every other narcissist, Obama seeks approval from sycophants. It is all just so “high school”. This administration is like a any typical high school clique that is built around the attractive, popular  but incompetent leader. The leader provides status. The followers provide reassurance. Their job is to provide the Greek chorus of praise. The chorus serves two purposes. One is to reassure the narcissist. The other is to drown out any other voices.

 

 Obama’s chorus of media sycophants shout that Sarah Palin is an unqualified, ignorant and incompetent light weight who is scorned and rejected so badly that she has no hope of ever holding national office. They denounce her as every form of “phobe” or “ist” imaginable who draws her support from a fringe of troglodytes who are too ignorant, unwashed and uneducated to count for anything.

 

If the White House, starting with the President himself, really believed that to be true they would ignore Palin and the Tea Party movement. But, when all alone and when the chorus is off duty, every narcissist knows the truth and lives in terror that someone else will discover it.

 

Obama is scared to death of Sarah Palin. That is the truth. Her life story exposes the artificiality of Obama’s. Her humility exposes his arrogance. Her faith exposes his emptiness. Her self confidence exposes his insecurity. Her patriotism exposes his scorn for all things American. Her sense of humor exposes his anger. Her simplicity exposes his duplicity. Just like the leader in the high school clique, Obama knows what is at stake. He must destroy the new and popular kid who is a threat. And, just like the clique leader, Obama will overplay his hand and self-destruct instead.

 

Obama’s chorus is focused on destroying any chance Sarah Palin will be president, but she does not need to run for the Presidency to destroy Barak Obama. She just needs to be herself and Obama knows that, too.

 

Massachusetts, Campaign Finance Decision and Health Care

Here in Texas we have had our official winter spell of sub-freezing days and we’re now on our way to Spring, so it’s time grease the tractor and share some random thoughts about recent events. Things sure have been interesting since New Year’s Day.

 

Scott Brown is the new senator from Massachusetts. There is precious little comment to make that has not already been made, but one gem seems to have gone unshared. The President with the “gift” announced at his going through the motions Coakley rally that the election was “not about me”. Heaven forbid that Obama might get branded with the Big L for Loser by backing a lost cause. Less than a week after the election his Howdy Doody – AKA Robert Gibbs – and the new / old PR hack Plouffe, as well as Howard Dean, claim that Coakley lost because the voters were angry over the sparse implementation of Obama’s ideas. This is too rich. The Massachusetts election was both about and not about Barack Obama at the same time! The President has raised Narcissism to spectator sport levels!

 

The Supreme Court swatted down the central nervous system of the campaign finance fiasco. Sadly, this was a split decision. Even more sadly, there are people who are allowed outside without adult supervision ranting about it. The court upheld the literal meaning of the first amendment in the Bill of Rights’ protection of all political speech from government imposed limits, laws and regulation. This is one of the cornerstones of a free society. The ranters’ arguments are laughable on one hand and a sad commentary of our education system on the other. I will dispose of three.

 

The decision gives corporations too much power. Geez! Grow up! Captain Planet is a cartoon show (aired by a corporation, by the way) not reality. Reality is that corporations are publicly owned businesses charged with growing the uninsured wealth of investors who accept the inherent risk in return for the hope of appropriate returns on their investments. Those investors include state teacher and employee retirement funds, churches, individuals and mutual funds. Why should they not have a right to influence politics as much as George Soros? Their wealth is also one of the cornerstones of a free society – liberty to acquire, own and reap profit from private property. Corporations employ millions of people. Corporations, not government, make our lives better. In my little town Wal-Mart just refurbished and upgraded its store. They used their money to do it, not Obama’s stimulus money. The store looks great and the people love it.

 

Yes, corporations make mistakes and, sometimes, violate the law. So do individuals. In such a situation both must face the natural consequences of their actions, unless they get “bailed out” by the government like GM, Chrysler and Bear Sterns. By the way, “Honest” Abe Lincoln was chief corporate attorney for the Illinois Central Railroad. A second “by the way”: if one wants to see industrial pollution and worker abuse, one need only look to Communist era Eastern Europe and China.

 

There’s too much money in politics. This is John One Note McCain’s favorite. Money drives politics. Does McCain refuse contributions? Of course not! George Washington is reputed to have said his seat in the Virginia House of Burgesses cost him a keg of rum per vote. If there were no money in politics then politics would look like public television. Bill Clinton should have stolen McCain’s arguments. “There are just too many big-breasted, tight-butt, naive women in the intern pool! Somebody, somebody, please protect me from me”. The fact of the matter is this. If politicians didn’t sell influence as a product, there would be no buyers. If politicians always and only did what was right there would be no suspicion about what contributions they accepted. There’s too much greed in politicians, not too much money in politics. To buttress that statement, please repeat the following names out loud: Cunningham, Dodd, Murtha, McCain, Rangel, Clinton.

 

Well, it seems Obama is really angry about the decision. In the State of the Delusional Ego Address to Congress he had the audacity to criticize the Supreme Court, a move that makes Joe Wilson’s “You lie” look humorous by comparison. His comments are a great springboard to deal with the third liberal complaint about the decision.

 

The decision overturns a century of legal precedent. So what? If we stuck with precedent as an excuse to avoid correct thinking Dred Scott would be the law of the land, Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King would be only common criminal footnotes in history and black kids would still be attending their own “separate but equal” schools. Overturning long-held precedent is what the Supreme Court is designed to do.

 

Now, off in a new direction…. Next week the old farmer gets a new left hip. That means he’s having another opportunity to interact with the health care system. Because of arthritis, this will be the second bionic hip and, because of an old racquetball injury that led to a new right knee, the farmer is three for four in his legs. Here’s what the experience of the allegedly “broken” health care system.

 

There have been four consultations with the surgeon over the past year – each scheduled within two days of the request for an appointment. Each consultation lasted about thirty minutes. For the three most recent visits the surgeon declined to take new x-rays. His reasons were simple: he already knew the hip was worn out; new x-rays would just run up the bill and; he didn’t see any reason to expose the patient to more radiation.

 

The surgeon sent me to the hospital for pre-surgical lab work, EKG and chest x-ray. The hospital is a public hospital so it deals with more non-paying patients than paying patients. The entire process took about ninety minutes. Every employee smiled. One lab tech noticed there were more patients than chairs in the lab waiting room. She found and carried chairs to each patient.

 

Next came a visit with the surgery nurse. She already had my entire file on her desk. She took almost thirty minutes reviewing my medical history with me. She called my primary care doctor to arrange an appointment to approve me for surgery. That appointment started right on time and was very thorough.

 

The surgery will start on time, the surgeon will have both of his partners on hand to assist, the implant manufacturer will have a technical rep in the operating room, and the farmer’s wife will know what is going on at all times. Recovery will be in an adequate, clean private room with quality nursing care. The surgeon and the primary care doctor will each visit at least once a day until discharge. The point should be quite clear by now. American health care fits into the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” category.

 

Here’s what is “broke” about American health care. The same hospital, because it is a public hospital, sees its emergency room overwhelmed with diabetics who refuse to monitor their diets and / or refuse to take their insulin; alcoholics who are in delirium tremens because they are out of money and are sobering up because they cannot buy the booze to sustain their buzz and meth- heads who come in because they’re out of money and they want free medication. The drug addicts know exactly what to say. These people get admitted because the hospital is in dread of a lawsuit, so the hospital ties up a bed, nursing services, food services and all of the other components of a hospital’s delivery system for no other reason than fear of tort lawyers.

 

Ready for the other shoe to drop? The diabetics often walk out of the hospital against medical advice because they want a cigarette and some ice cream. The drunks do the same thing once they have snookered a relative into giving them some booze money. This cirque du bizarre repeats itself time and time again, replayed by the same pseudo-patients.

 

What is broken in American health care is the system’s ability to differentiate treatment so that irresponsible people in the ER because of their own irresponsibility do not get treated the same ways as people admitted for heart attacks, strokes, accidental injury or life threatening illness.

 

The liberals will wave the bloody shirt and claim all of this is based on “anecdotal evidence” and “stereotyping” and “racism”. The farmer knows these arguments well as he often steps into it in the pasture. American health care is broken for the same reasons the American family is broken. Impressionable, poorly rooted people, raised in the generations of moral relativity and ego-centrism, deny personal responsibility for anything that afflicts them as well as responsibility for their decisions.

 

So when Obama talks about reducing health care costs, why is it his solutions involve denying pacemakers and hip replacements to little old ladies instead of denying a guaranteed bed at hospital for self-destructive addicts and drunks who want to be enabled, not helpedf?

 

 

 

Atheists Celebrate Plumb Dumb Luck Day

Thanksgiving is coming! For most people, despite what the media try to tell us, the day is just that – a day to give thanks to God for all of the blessings we have enjoyed over the past year. Every year Thanksgiving is tough on some people who are facing tough times and this year that may be especially true with many Americans separated by war, some who grieve for the loss of loved ones because of that war, others without jobs and always for those who are alone. Most of us will at least offer a prayer for our national brothers and sisters while others will do many things far more immediate and concrete. May God bless them especially for what they do.

 

For the Atheists among us, though, Thanksgiving presents a real challenge because if you don’t believe in any Diety, how do you celebrate Thanksgiving?

It is flat out impossible for atheists to have fun on Turkey Day. There is no way around it.

 

Halloween is easy for an atheist. It’s all about candy, goblins and kids playing Trick or Treat. Christmas is even easier for atheists because they have the drill down. They spend the entire Advent season sneering and reading the gospel according to Dawkins or snootily announcing that “it’s just another day at the office to me”. Have you ever called one at work on Christmas Day? Don’t try because you’ll get voicemail.

 

Some may say that Thanksgiving isn’t a religious holiday but they have to deny the roots of Thanksgiving as well as proclamations by George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt, all three having composed prayers as the central theme of the day. So, what’s an atheist to do? In a spirit of charity, inclusion and diversity let us offer our non-believing, “bright”, friends their official alternative to Thanksgiving. Here it is!

 

ATHEIST’S GUIDE TO A HAPPY PLUMB DUMB LUCKY DAY!!!!!

 

When you wake up on PDLD be sure to say: “Wow, I didn’t die last night. What good luck!” as an alternative to the nauseating “Happy Thanksgiving” greeting. Next as a  practicing atheist, despite facing the contradiction that practicing a negative is a difficult proposition, throw open the front door and leave it open. Maybe a kindred atheist will walk in for company. If so, how lucky! There is someone with whom to recount all of the randomly lucky events from the entire year. Remember to be a good listener! If no one walks through the door well, no one wins every time they play. It just wasn’t your lucky day. You could call a fellow denier, but that would be heresy for someone like yourself facing the Brave New World of meaningless and random existence.

 

Fill the time by looking back on the year. Take your Twelve Beautiful Brights calendar and add up the days marked “L” and those marked “U”. The total will give you the odds for the next twelve months.

 

About 10:00 AM, move close to the phone because the “dull” family may call with an invitation to their idiotic, childish, superstition-based, traditional and predictable open bar, six course, delectable, home cooked meal with all the dishes you loved as a child. Since they called by chance, your beliefs demand you run with it.

 

There will be disgustingly joyful hugs and kisses and the utter humiliation of the Grace before the meal but even that prayer ritual will provide an opportunity to sit with head unbowed and with a knowing sneer fixed firmly on your face as you witness the base ignorance of these happy people who are, as you learned during your years at graduate school, nothing more than the product of random evolution of cells transported upon the backs of crystals Stand fast, at least until grandma looks you in the eye and says” What’s wrong with you”?  Don’t flinch, even when dad turns to you first and asks “Do you want dark meat or white?” This is not love, just genetically pre-determined gesture toward offspring.

 

 If your luck allows you may have the opportunity to spend the rest of the day eating the mom’s pies and watching football while you drink dad’s Jack Daniels. Take the opportunity to mention Dawkins and be prepared for grandpa to remark “He played for Army. He should have run for President”.

 

As you attempt to explain Darwin to your nephew try not to be discouraged when he asks if you think the Lions will win today. He will not get any joke about rooting against the Christians. When mom asks “have you met anybody nice yet?” don’t bother telling her about your recent insight into your sexuality, she knew years ago that you were gay. Just tell her the truth.

 

After you return home, be sure to cleanse yourself by sitting in the dark and repeating at least one hundred times: “I have no intrinsic value and my life has no intrinsic meaning!”

 

If, by chance, the family does not call just go to the nearest church. You will eat for free since you and your co-non-believers have been unable to figure out a dogmatically pure way to express thanks for anything. Don’t worry because Christmas is coming.

J'ACCUSE

In the late 19^th Century the Dreyfus scandal wrenched France as that nation confronted the unspoken codes of anti-Semitism and internal military refusal to expose the extent that France’s enemies had infiltrated the nation’s security and defense institutions. Alfred Dreyfus, a Jewish officer, was the scapegoat. He spent years in the hell that was Devil’s Island. What brought France to its senses was an editorial by Emile Zola entitled J’Accuse (I Accuse) that detailed the self-serving conspiracy of insiders and the well connected to maintain their power at the expense of the nation.

Last week evidence of an equally pervasive corruption erupted on our television screens as we watched in horror the accounts of a murderous rampage of a Muslim fanatic who gunned down selfless, decent Americans serving us, you and me, with the most precious commodity of all – time out of their lives - to protect and defend us. These people, some barely out of high school and others farther along in life, deserved to feel secure and safe at their home base at Fort Hood.

Like the Dreyfus scandal, our scandal did not start last week or last year. It has grown insidiously and silently for decades and it is intertwined with policies and interest groups and judicial decisions and it threatens our national existence just as surely as any enemy we have faced in our history. The author does not pretend to be Emile Zola. That would be hubris. But, with deference to and with respect for Zola, let us continue.

I accuse the Carter administration and both Houses of Congress of equivocating the state of Israel with Yassir Arafat thereby bestowing respectability on a murderer and terrorist. I accuse the same administration of unleashing Islamic fundamentalism on the world by undermining and deserting the Shah of Iran. I accuse the Carter Administration and both Houses of Congress of negligence and incompetence for gutting our military so much we had to endure the humiliations of Americans held hostage and the pain of a rescue mission scuttled by unreliable equipment. Carter's negligence gave a foothold to the maniacs who would fund Hamas. And I accuse the Carter administration of starting the charade of a road map to peace in the Middle East. Finally, I accuse the Carter administration and both Houses of Congress of caving to environmental extremists, thus cementing our national dependence on Islamic oil.

I accuse the Reagan administration and both Houses of Congress during the Reagan administration of showing weakness and cowardice by retreating after almost three hundred Marines died in their barracks at the hands of the murderers and terrorists craving the same influence and status as Arafat. I accuse the Reagan administration and both Houses of Congress of unleashing hell upon Lebanon through their cowardice thereby securing a power base for Hezbollah and its Syrian patrons.

I accuse the George H W Bush administration and both Houses of Congress of refusing to finish Saddam Hussein when they had the chance, but listened to the discredited and self-serving advice of Colin Powell who worried that murderers might think of the United States as a bully if we destroyed Saddam.

I accuse the Clinton administration and both Houses of Congress of pursuing self-interest, deviance and corruption so assiduously that we watched more Americans die at the hands of Islamic fundamentalists in the Khobar Towers bombing, the bombings of our embassies and the sinking of the USS Cole. I accuse the Clinton administration and both Houses of Congress of being so focused on maintaining their positions of power and control that they refused an opportunity to capture or kill Osama Bin Laden. I accuse the Clinton administration and both Houses of Congress of such self-absorption with sexual affairs and photo-ops that they ignored the implications of the first attempt to destroy the World Trade Center and set the stage for the murders of thousands of innocent Americans on September 11^th , 2001.

I accuse the George W Bush administration and both Houses of Congress of incompetence by refusing to identify our enemy by name – Islamic fundamentalism – and engaging in the self delusion that Islam is a religion of peace when it is not. I especially accuse the mediocrities in both Houses of Congress of becoming so wrapped up in the 2000 election that they refused to fight our real enemy but, instead, fought each other and the interests of the American people.

I accuse the Obama administration and both Houses of Congress of serial psychological denial that we are under attack by a crazed and committed enemy – Islamic fundamentalism – by injecting “man made disasters” into our national vocabulary with a straight face. I accuse the Obama administration and both Houses of Congress for refusing to recognize evil as evil because doing so is inconvenient for a self-proclaimed "citizen of the world".

Finally, I accuse us, you and me, of being asleep at the switch. We have allowed the notions of political correctness permeate our national psyche so much that we can hear the details of the Fort Hood shooter, his history and his pre-slaughter behavior and still listen to the President say we should not “jump to conclusions” without erupting into laughter at such an intentionally misleading statement.

I accuse us, you and me, of negligence because we allow an idiot like Dr. Phil, to pontificate about post traumatic stress syndrome. We might as well listen to Big Bird with the same respect. We know what Fort Hood was. It was a well planned and deliberate attack by an Islamic fundamentalist and terrorist who should have been weeded out of the United States Army years ago for incompetence if not as a security threat.

I accuse us, you and me, of allowing that same political correctness permeate the Army. No doubt there were people in the chain of command who knew what a nut job Hasan was but who were afraid to risk the wrath of politically compromised superiors or politicians if they blew the whistle.

The Dreyfus scandal so devastated the French political and military institutions that they never recovered and experienced humiliating defeats in two wars. Will our scandal lead us to similar defeats? Yes, if you and I allow it!

A Rainy Day Dream

It's too wet to get on the tractor. Texas is getting lots of rain. So I took a nap and had a dream. It was a Monday in January and I was in Washington listening to the new President's Inaugural Address. I was too far away to see the new President clearly and it wasn't clear which party now controlled the White House. I was close to a loudspeaker. Here's what I heard.

"My fellow Americans,I hope this will be the shortest and clearest Inaugural address in history. That is my goal so I will waste no more of your time and patience. First, I want to share my administration's domestic goals for the next few years.

First, I believe the government is addicted to spending money it does not earn. The government needs to reduce spending. Yes, you have heard that before but to show I mean what I say here are the things the Executive Branch will do. The president has a cabinet of advisers and those will be the only advisers I will have. There will be no special advisers, czars or any other unaccountable people working in the White House. The money saved will be returned to the Treasury. The government will sell the Camp David compound. I don't need it and it is a waste of your money. The White House will buy all essentials from Wal Mart, Sam's, Costco and Kroger on equal contracts. It costs a lot for the president to travel so I plan on staying home unless absolutely necessary. There won't be any glorified vacation / photo-ops to any G8 or G20 meetings. I have a full time job already and I intend to do it. There won't be any fancy concerts at the White House. If I want to see a show, movie or concert I'll buy a ticket with my own money or rent a Netflix. And I won't be taking any vacations. Jeez, I live in the flipping White House. You can take a vacation without going outside here!

Second, I challenge Congress to take some steps to save money. Ladies and gentlemen, close the congressional barber shops and beauty shops, the in-house cafeterias and reduce your staffs by one third. For lunch bring a sandwich just like thousands of your citizen bosses who eat at their desks because they're trying to make enough money to support themselves, their families and still pay the taxes that keep you living in the lap of luxury and paying for your pork barrel earmarks.

One simple way for Congress to save money is to go home! Good Lord, a seat in Congress was never intended to be a full time job. If you put your collective minds to it you could get your jobs done in six months. So, meet in session for a month and then go home for a month. You will get back in touch with your bosses - your constituents - and away from the lobbyists.

I promise not to pull any power plays. I am re-establishing the National Security Council. The Speaker and Senate Majority Leader, as well as the House and Senate Minority leaders, will be members. We will meet weekly. I will trust everyone's word that national security matters will not be leaked.

I put Congress on notice that I will veto any bill, including budget bills, that contain earmarks, unrelated amendments, the words "not withstanding" or language unintelligible to a high school graduate.

Our shared job is to make life better for our employers - the tax payers. Here are some simple ways to do that. We need to let people keep the money they earn. I will work to eliminate the current IRS system and to replace it with a fair system. In the meantime I am directing the IRS to stop collecting taxes on any capital gains or dividend income. Another way to do our jobs is to make energy more available and cheaper. So, we are going to drill. I will veto any attempt to subvert that goal with bogus environmental legislation.

Now, let's talk about foreign policy. This will be clear and unmistakable. We will stand by our friends and we will use all power at our disposal against our enemies. In particular, Israel is our friend. Here is our new "road map" for the Middle East. Any nation or group that recognizes Israel's right to exist and backs that up with establishing open relations with Israel will be our friends. Those who work to destroy Israel are our enemies. Not only will the United States oppose those states and groups diplomatically and militarily, if necessary, but economically as well. We have our own oil and gas. We will find it, use it and sell it to others.

The United Nations was a wonderful idea. It has become a joke. I will not go there annually and pretend that the United States is an equal with Pago Pago or Bangladesh. The UN spends its time acting as a cover group for evil men like Robert Mugabe, lunatics like Ahmenjinidad, Communist fossils like the murderer Castro or a stage for psychos like Ghadaffi and Chavez. The United States will act in its own self interest. Since we pay for the UN it should come along. If it chooses not to come along, oh well, whatever. We will not pretend that nut jobs like the Kim regime in North Korea are legitimate.

A note for our Chinese friends. Taiwan has the right to self-determination. If we have to live with Castro ninety miles from our coast you need to get used to Taiwan. If you move against Taiwan the US will declare all Chinese interests in the Western Hemisphere to be in violation of the Monroe Doctrine and we will seize those assets. If you try to retaliate by calling due any outstanding loans, we'll get back to you later.

That should cover the big things. I need to get to work. Thank you and God Bless America!"

Then the phone rang and I woke up. It was only a dream. I was depressed the rest of the day

The American Catholic Church is Schismatic

Ted Kennedy actively advocated abortion but his Roman Catholic bishop allowed him to receive the sacraments and to have his life commemorated in a lavish public Catholic funeral. Kennedy's fellow senator from Massachusetts, John Kerry, claims his freedom of conscience allows him to be pro-abortion and still receive communion. Nancy Pelosi supports free access to abortion, but remains a member in good standing in her parish. The University of Notre Dame invites Barack Obama to speak at a commencement even though he supports unrestricted abortion, including partial-birth abortion. Partial birth abortion means crushing the skull of a viable infant. Nominally Catholic academics claim abortion needs to be submerged into a more inclusive definition of pro-life that includes health care and economic justice.

How do American bishops and the leaders of American religious orders allow this? Do they not see the cause / effect relationship between their spinelessness and the decline in Catholic membership? The Pope should do a clean sweep and remove every bishop who does not actively speak out in defense of life. What would the Church and the world lose? Nothing! This is the same group of weaklings who allowed seminaries, schools and parishes to swarm with pedophiles and who covered up their sins.

Every current bishop needs to study the life of Joseph Francis Rummel who was Archbishop of New Orleans during the integration of the city schools. His pastoral letters put the faithful on notice where he stood. When politically powerful segregationists opposed him he publicly excommunicated them. When some of their followers descecrated a church and mugged the pastor Archbishop Rummel put Plaquemines Parish (county) under Interdict until the miscreants came forward and did public penance.

Old Archbishop Rummel showed courage, leadership and set an example for his people. Would we had a new generation of Joseph Francis Rummels today instead of the Quislings in miters heading the American Catholic Church