It's too wet to get on the tractor. Texas is getting lots of rain. So I took a nap and had a dream. It was a Monday in January and I was in Washington listening to the new President's Inaugural Address. I was too far away to see the new President clearly and it wasn't clear which party now controlled the White House. I was close to a loudspeaker. Here's what I heard.
"My fellow Americans,I hope this will be the shortest and clearest Inaugural address in history. That is my goal so I will waste no more of your time and patience. First, I want to share my administration's domestic goals for the next few years.
First, I believe the government is addicted to spending money it does not earn. The government needs to reduce spending. Yes, you have heard that before but to show I mean what I say here are the things the Executive Branch will do. The president has a cabinet of advisers and those will be the only advisers I will have. There will be no special advisers, czars or any other unaccountable people working in the White House. The money saved will be returned to the Treasury. The government will sell the Camp David compound. I don't need it and it is a waste of your money. The White House will buy all essentials from Wal Mart, Sam's, Costco and Kroger on equal contracts. It costs a lot for the president to travel so I plan on staying home unless absolutely necessary. There won't be any glorified vacation / photo-ops to any G8 or G20 meetings. I have a full time job already and I intend to do it. There won't be any fancy concerts at the White House. If I want to see a show, movie or concert I'll buy a ticket with my own money or rent a Netflix. And I won't be taking any vacations. Jeez, I live in the flipping White House. You can take a vacation without going outside here!
Second, I challenge Congress to take some steps to save money. Ladies and gentlemen, close the congressional barber shops and beauty shops, the in-house cafeterias and reduce your staffs by one third. For lunch bring a sandwich just like thousands of your citizen bosses who eat at their desks because they're trying to make enough money to support themselves, their families and still pay the taxes that keep you living in the lap of luxury and paying for your pork barrel earmarks.
One simple way for Congress to save money is to go home! Good Lord, a seat in Congress was never intended to be a full time job. If you put your collective minds to it you could get your jobs done in six months. So, meet in session for a month and then go home for a month. You will get back in touch with your bosses - your constituents - and away from the lobbyists.
I promise not to pull any power plays. I am re-establishing the National Security Council. The Speaker and Senate Majority Leader, as well as the House and Senate Minority leaders, will be members. We will meet weekly. I will trust everyone's word that national security matters will not be leaked.
I put Congress on notice that I will veto any bill, including budget bills, that contain earmarks, unrelated amendments, the words "not withstanding" or language unintelligible to a high school graduate.
Our shared job is to make life better for our employers - the tax payers. Here are some simple ways to do that. We need to let people keep the money they earn. I will work to eliminate the current IRS system and to replace it with a fair system. In the meantime I am directing the IRS to stop collecting taxes on any capital gains or dividend income. Another way to do our jobs is to make energy more available and cheaper. So, we are going to drill. I will veto any attempt to subvert that goal with bogus environmental legislation.
Now, let's talk about foreign policy. This will be clear and unmistakable. We will stand by our friends and we will use all power at our disposal against our enemies. In particular, Israel is our friend. Here is our new "road map" for the Middle East. Any nation or group that recognizes Israel's right to exist and backs that up with establishing open relations with Israel will be our friends. Those who work to destroy Israel are our enemies. Not only will the United States oppose those states and groups diplomatically and militarily, if necessary, but economically as well. We have our own oil and gas. We will find it, use it and sell it to others.
The United Nations was a wonderful idea. It has become a joke. I will not go there annually and pretend that the United States is an equal with Pago Pago or Bangladesh. The UN spends its time acting as a cover group for evil men like Robert Mugabe, lunatics like Ahmenjinidad, Communist fossils like the murderer Castro or a stage for psychos like Ghadaffi and Chavez. The United States will act in its own self interest. Since we pay for the UN it should come along. If it chooses not to come along, oh well, whatever. We will not pretend that nut jobs like the Kim regime in North Korea are legitimate.
A note for our Chinese friends. Taiwan has the right to self-determination. If we have to live with Castro ninety miles from our coast you need to get used to Taiwan. If you move against Taiwan the US will declare all Chinese interests in the Western Hemisphere to be in violation of the Monroe Doctrine and we will seize those assets. If you try to retaliate by calling due any outstanding loans, we'll get back to you later.
That should cover the big things. I need to get to work. Thank you and God Bless America!"
Then the phone rang and I woke up. It was only a dream. I was depressed the rest of the day
